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by Ivy Kathleen Braack |
Jessica,
I had hated myself when I found out what happened and realized that I hadn't kept in touch as I should have. I was a silly, stupid girl for quite some time, but I always loved you. I still have that soft spot in my heart for you.
You've been in my dreams every night since I found out what had happened. I've gotten to know you all over again in these dreams and I no longer feel like some distant entity that was once a close friend. You're still my Jess, and these dreams have helped me realize that you're not really so out of reach. You've made requests of me in these dreams and I promise to do my everything I can to do as you ask. I know you'll give me the strength to do so, and your heart will be entwined with mine as I set out to do this mission you ask of me.
I'll never go a day without a thought of you, I've decided. At times I've tried, when I felt the pain would be to great to endure, but then by the grace of God and your love I have been able to smile at the memories of our love and friendship. That love and friendship will go on through the eternities. When the day comes for my spirit to rise to the heavens and my body to rest in the earth I will be ecstatic to find you in heaven and be able to throw my arms around you and hear you laugh and see you smile. Perhaps we'll catch up on what has happened, though I'll be doing most of the catching up since you can see what I'm doing. Then we can rehash the old days and laugh at how silly and foolish we were.
You'll always be a part of my future, Jess. My fiance is coming back from overseas, even as I write this letter to you. I have been excited for some months now at the prospect of bringing him home to meet all my friends. I had wanted, so badly, for him to be able to meet you in person, but I will bring him to your resting place and I'll have Melissa help me fill him in on the stories of our "Three Muskateer" days. Now, it is going to be a long time before I have children, but you best believe that when I have them they will hear all about you. I'll tell them the stories and show them pictures. I'll never forget you and neither will anyone else in my life. You're still my Jess, and that means you are still a very crucial part of my life...one to be shared with others.
I love you very much, Jess. You'll always be my sister. In fact, you and Melissa are stuck with me for eternity because of that. We're the literal spirit children of God and so we are bound together as sisters for all time. You get to meet him first too, I envy you that. I suppose everyone in our graduating class knew that you were the best of us and now you've proven yourself again. The best always get to go home first. Yes, I'm giving you permission gloat, because I know you never would otherwise. I'm sure you're in heaven learning new things and discovering the answers to mysteries. I also know that you'll be a fireball of a teacher in heaven to those spirits who never got to know of the joy of the love of Christ. Your testimony will fuel their testimony and they will forever be grateful for your influence, as I am grateful for your influence in my life.
You have left an imprint on my life that I cannot and would not try to cover up. You will always be a shining example to me and to everyone who has loved you and still loves you. You are forever ours and we are forever yours, and that is the way it should be. You will be greatly missed, my dear. I love you, always.
-Ivy Kathleen Braack